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Warning: this is going to be a long vent/rant. And may be TMI in some places (although, maybe not for you ladies, since you both know so much about me already). But I'm really frustrated and really need to get it out there and knew the two of you would understand.
So my weight has been slowly creeping back on. I've known this for the past 12 months or so and I've intermittently worked to do something about it but haven't stuck with anything for longer than a few weeks. If I was doing a Whole30, I wasn't watching portion sizes or exercising. If I wasn't, it alternated between a free-for-all, eating whatever I wanted, or being miserable and feeling like there were all of these things that I "couldn't eat" and then overeating things I felt like I "could." And coupled with the crazy stress of my job in the last four months, everything has just gone to hell in a hand basket.
The first thing I noticed is that I wasn't waking up hungry for breakfast in the morning. Ding, ding, ding! Clue #1! But what really set it off was that my chest is getting bigger (sorry, maybe TMI for some of you out there). And the last place on my body that gets bigger is, well, by chest. CRAP. Couple that with a size up in pants, which fit loosely but are more comfortable than my 10's. And then I got on the scale this morning. 158. @&#%(@#%&@(%^ That was my weight when I started losing everything TWO. YEARS. AGO. Last summer, I hit 138, the lowest I've been since high school. Since then, it has slowly (and not so slowly) crept back on. My acne is back. My knees hurt. And I'm grumpy because I feel fat and old and sore.
So please forgive my frustration and my venting, but it's cathartic to write. It helps me release all of that so I can actually channel the frustration and come up with a plan. Because let's face it, the way my schedule is right now, and is going to be for the next 6-8 months, planning exercise in to my day is not likely to be a feasible daily/every-other-day activity. But what I can control is the food that goes into my mouth, right? So my plan is to work hard on my portion control, eating good, whole foods. I'm not going to be terribly restrictive. Some dairy is okay, very limited grains, trying to avoid refined sugar if at all possible. Because eating veggies and meats and fruits is what makes me feel better. And if I work hard at portion control, some of this weight should come off. I've also been really bad about my water intake as my schedule has gotten increasingly busy.
So goals for this week:
1. 60 oz of water per day
Plan to reach this goal: Fill water bottle the night before, bring with lunch. Keep second water bottle full at work. Drink all before leaving or on way home.
2. Portion control
Plan to reach this goal: Purposely pick small portions of everything at each meal. Go back for more only after finishing and sitting for a few minutes. Work to recognize and appreciate the feeling of hunger.