I was in the shower after working out this morning (sorry for the mental picture), thinking about this workout program, my diet, and life in general. I've been a little disappointed in the way I've been feeling physically - the numbers on the scale aren't moving and my clothes aren't feeling any looser. So as I was in the shower thinking this morning, I was running through my mental list of things that could possibly be keeping me from loosing that last 10 pounds.
Is it what I'm eating? Probably not. I've made some pretty significant changes to what and how much I'm eating. Green veggies with almost every meal, fewer root veggies, rare dried fruits or other sweets, careful consideration of portion sizes.
Is it how I'm working out? Probably not - I'm exercising 6 days a week for at least 30 minutes (P90X3). Adding some extra workouts a few times a week (treadmill or the P90X ab ripper workout).
Is it stress? Maybe. I'm working very hard to respond better to stress. Some of that has been through exercise. Some has been just through forcing myself to take a step back and take a deep breath. Distance myself from things for a few minutes (time out for mama!).
Am I sleeping? Yes. Like a rock. 10pm - 4:45am every week day, 10pm - 6ish on the weekends. More on nights that I fall asleep on the couch. Could I sleep more? Not without cutting out my workouts, so no, not really. I'm sleeping well, not waking up, not tossing and turning.
Spiritual life? Pretty good. We have a great church family, we are involved, we are active in our walk.
Etc, etc, etc...
As I mentally ran through this list as if I was talking to a friend, something hit me. Maybe I'm just too worried. Too caught up with everything. Maybe, just maybe, if I try to love everything a bit more, relax a bit more, enjoy a bit more and not be so caught up with the details and what ifs and the hows and whens and whys, maybe then I would be happier. Maybe I am stressing about this more than I realize. Because I really do love where I am in my life right now. Is it hard? Hell yes. But it's also pretty awesome. I have an amazing husband and little girl. I love my job, even if it does have days that make me question my sanity. I have lost over 20 pounds since starting this journey and am at a weight I haven't seen since my undergrad days when I was working in a barn 8-10 hours a day. So maybe, just maybe, what I need is to love more and worry less.
I'm still working out what that looks like in my life, but I do know one thing. I don't love the scale. Or the tape measure. Or thinking about the size of my jeans. So those things are banished from thought right now. I'll think about them later. Right now, I want to focus on me. On feeling good. On my family. On my job. Right now, I want to love more, worry less.