I've been absent for awhile. Blogger says my last post was March 23, where I set out a plan for getting and staying on track. I wish I could say that I'd carried though, that I'd followed my plans, that I'd been successful. But I didn't. I did survive the spring semester, which was my hardest one yet due to my increased teaching load (a voluntary decision). I ran a 5k in April and a 10k in early June. I struggled through the 10k but finished. I wasn't as prepared as I wanted to be. I was 10lb heavier than when I ran it in 2013. The only reason my time was close to last year was because it was 20 degrees cooler. So, am I glad I did it? Yes. Am I proud that I did it? Yes, to that too.
But since then, I've allowed myself treat after treat, so much so that treats were no longer treats but were almost every day occurrences. Oh, Dunkin Donuts, how I do love your coffee rolls. But they give me coffee rolls of my own and once I start, I can't stop. And I've come to accept that I really don't like to run in the heat. I'd MUCH rather run in the cold. So after I finished the 10k in June, I have run very little.
But I'm not happy. I've put on weight that I don't want. I've lost fitness and strength that I wish I still had. I've been grumpy because I'm not happy and the food I was eating was making me feel bloated and upset, yet all I seemed to think about was where the next treat was coming from. So after a few weeks of on-and-off travel, Jared and I decided to start another Whole30. We're 5 days in. I'm not feeling 100% yet (it's still early) but I have come to appreciate that I already feel a little better. The sugar dragon is still there. But the things I'm having are less harmful than what I would have before. A handful of raisins vs a handful of chocolates. A piece of fruit and some almonds vs. a coffee roll. Better choices. One choice at a time, and there is still room to improve.
I'm hoping my attitude will come around, too. I'm still stressed out about a bunch of things at work, which is contributing to the desire to eat poorly AND to the grumpiness. And I need to add exercise back in, in some form. I'm going running with some friends tomorrow, which is like double therapy - running and adult time with good friends. And, as pointed out by a wonderful friend (and someone who holds me accountable), blogging is also wonderful therapy. So for those of you reading, thank you. And if I whine, or complain, or am generally annoying in some other way, please forgive me. I'm grateful that you're here, that you're reading, and I hope you find some help in these pages, but this blog is ultimately a tool for me to bring together my thoughts.